Halloween’s still over a month away, but I figured I’d start you off with a link to a great story to tell your wannabe spelunking kids to stay the hell away from that weird cave down by the interstate. It’s a long read, and I promise there’s no weird popup scary pictures or crap like that — just a story.

I give you The Page of Ted (and read this PDF file if you want more).

I think it’s nearly impossible for me to think out revenge upon someone, or just some simple ill-will for that matter. Fortunately it seems the pleasant thoughts don’t have the opposite effect as the negative ones. I fear what may happen, should that change. The others have become stronger thoughout the years, so at this point I can’t help but think anything is possible.

The revenge aspect, though, has to be true. I cannot, as of yet, simply think a thought out in order to have it not happen. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

From Dark Horizons:

The Hobbit: Since Time Warner didn’t succeed in acquiring MGM (which was sold to Sony), New Line, which is part of Turner’s empire has hit a bit of a snag. MGM held the rights to The Hobbit, and now those rights went to Sony. The likelihood of a LOTR prequel is now less likely.

Stillwater biker tagged going 205 mph

*golf clap*

“Ramones Reunion Nearly Complete” (via “The Onion”)

/going to hell

I believe I found a mask that beats the pants off the #1 creepy mask of 2003. Behold The Waco Jacko. Please, for the sake of sweet, deaming children around the world, do not wear this mask. The moonwalk scene found here is enough nightmare-inducing material for a lifetime.

The Hummer H2’s got nuthin’ on the International CXT, which can haul six tons of dirt and tow a 20-ton yacht at the same time. It’s 9 feet high, 8 feet wide, 21 feet long, and weighs 15,000 pounds. Oh, and it can tow one of those pussy-ass H2’s along with the yacht.

UPDATE: And here is the appropriate bumper sticker for the above (although one reading “Yes My Penis is That Small” would be just as fitting)

Avast scurvied bastards, and talk like ye’s a pirate once again!

Now ye can look like ye one or type like ye one. Rrrrr!

Can George Lucas be any more of a pompous ass?

Summation of above linked article:

“Fuck you all, I never wanted to make ‘Star Wars’ in the first place. The special additions are as close as I can now get to what I realy wanted. I won’t release the originals because the millions of fans that want to buy them wouldn’t buy them (or so the force tells me). Just buy my crap and shut the hell up.”

Best comment on this: “I don’t recall any stories about Picasso sneaking into museums with a paintbrush to touch up his old work….” Brilliant!

UPDATE: Dear lord! Somebody stop this maniac! In this clip (bear with the UGO stuff at the beginning), Lucas says he wants to edit the sword fighter scene in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’! Is he mad?!?!