“At a meeting of American business executives and Putin on Saturday in Russia, according to Russian news reports, Kraft showed his 4.94-carat, diamond-encrusted 2005 Super Bowl ring to the Russian president, who, after trying it on, put it in his pocket and left.” [link]
Here’s a transcript of a complaint letter faxed to Continantal Airlines by a disgruntled passenger:
Dear Contintental Airlines,
I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in Seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.
All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It’s difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the woosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers’ asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel(sic)?
I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment - while effective in blocking the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touched my shoulder will be the last!
I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats into this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch and taste from my seat.
Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a MAN GROAN in there! THIS SUCKS!
Worse yet, is I’ve paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat! Does your company give refunds? I’d like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was seated inside the bathroom.
I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor… What about my hair! I feel like I’m bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me. I am filled with deep hatred for your plan designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.
We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.
I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smoldering brown hole empty, a place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not [illegible] cargo.
Owen’s getting early tastes of fame, albeit small. And hey, so is my parents’ dog, Gayle.
Mr. Miyagi: “Daniel-son. You do monkey steal peach.”
Daniel-son: “How’s a monkey steal a peach?”
Mr. Miyagi: “Lika dis. WHooooaaaa!”
Daniel-son: “eep.”
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