Luckily there are down times, though it’s near impossible to relax. When will it happen next? Who knows. It’s easy to confuse being paranoid with these events, as they’re not terribly different from one another.

If I’m able to prevent something small, does that negate the entire event altogether? Let’s say I’m walking with a pen in my mouth and see myself tripping and choking on it, so I remove that pen from my mouth. It would make at least some sense to me if I still tripped, but most times the entire event I’ve seen simply doesn’t happen. My experience tells me that removing the pen from my mouth is inconsequential, just a knee-jerk reaction to what I’ve seen.

A reaction to something that won’t happen. It sure sounds nuts.

I think it’s nearly impossible for me to think out revenge upon someone, or just some simple ill-will for that matter. Fortunately it seems the pleasant thoughts don’t have the opposite effect as the negative ones. I fear what may happen, should that change. The others have become stronger thoughout the years, so at this point I can’t help but think anything is possible.

The revenge aspect, though, has to be true. I cannot, as of yet, simply think a thought out in order to have it not happen. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

Sometimes they like to be repetitious, as if they need to hit the point home for some reason. Those are the most frustrating moments. I usually get the urge to push them back, but I guess sometimes the fear of simply ignoring them will allow them to happen. It seems, at least, that’s the way all the others work.

I was thinking about the first time I can recall all of this happening. I think it must’ve been sometime when I was maybe twelve. I can’t remember it too clearly now, but I do remember it happening. I’m virtually certain the car we were in would’ve ended up in bad shape had I not closed my eyes and let those thoughts happen at the right moment. I’m sure a lot more would’ve would up in bad shape now that I think of it.

Sometimes I wonder what I would’ve seen had I not closed my eyes.

I really hate it when it involves my unborn child. I think those are the most disturbing of them all. Sometimes I feel as though I have no choice but to allow every detail to occur, or else what must be the inevitable will happen. I’ve taken them all to be inevitable occurances — it’s the only thing that keeps me from going crazy.

It happened again today, just as it always seems to happen. This time it was a truck bearing down on my dog and I as we crossed the street. We both didn’t make it. Most of the time I’m not involved, so this was a little unique.

I think a little earlier in the day it was something more significant, but I seem to have chosen to forget that for now. Most likely it was another end-of-the-world event.

Days without end-of-the-world events seem so few and far between lately.

My wife likes to call me “what-if guy”. Hah. If she only knew half the story, she’d see how fitting that really is. I’ll write more on what I mean as I find the time to do so. Most of what I have to say here you might not want to know anyway. I guess I don’t care.